How to spot a fake canadian

[{OF}Turf]

Spotting fake Canadians

Dear Patriot;

As Canadians, we have to be extra vigilant. There are a lot of impostors out there. If you suspect that someone is falsely trying to pass themselves off as Canadian, make the following statement and carefully note the reaction:

"Last night, I cashed my pogey and got a mickey of CC at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, eh? Darn chinook had melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired.
I was SOL, sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a touque at the time, eh? And the Mountie, he's all chippy and everything, calling me a "**** disturber" and what not. What could I say except, "Sorry, EH?"


If the person you are talking to nods sympathetically, they're one of us.
If, however, they stare at you with a blank incomprehension, they are not a real Canadian. Have them reported to the authorities at once!!!

The passage cited above contains no fewer than 19 different Canadianisms.

In order:
* Eh? or eh? Universal Canadian device for keeping the attention of the person being spoken to, and ensuring they have understood you. More culturally acceptable than the American "Huh?". (Also, Canadians do NOT say "aboot". No one knows where this myth started, nor do we care.)

* pogey: EI (Employment insurance). Money provided by the government for not working.
(Used to be "UI" but the government thought that was degrading to people who were collecting "Unemployment Insurance" and so changed the name - that helped a lot!

* mickey: A small bottle of booze (13 oz) (A Texas mickey, on the other hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which despite the name, is still a Canadianism through and through.)

* CC: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with "hockey stick," another kind of Canadian club.

* beer parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.

* skidoo: Self-propelled decapitation unit for teenagers and drunken old men who think they're teenagers. (Snowmobiles)

* muskeg: Boggy swampland. Unlike areas of Florida and Louisiana, only thaws for weeks per year.

* duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of inhabitants, each trying to pretend the other doesn't exist while at the same time managing to drive each other crazy; perfect metaphor for Canada's French and English.

* deke: Used as a verb, it means "to fool an opponent through skillful misdirection." As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory constructions, such as: "Whadda deke!" Meaning, "My, what an impressive display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile."

* chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and onto the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton, much to the pleasure of all Calgarians.

* Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart. Always get their man! (See also "Pepper spray, uses of".)

* snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner; non-restrictive extended semi-gerundial form of "did sneak." (We think.)

* ghost car: An plain unmarked police car, instantly identifiable by its inconspicuousness and cheap hubcaps.

* impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an adjective(the alternative adjectival form of "impaired" being "pissed to the gills").

* SOL: ****-outta-luck; in an unfortunate predicament.

* Stanfields: Men's underwear, especially Grandpa-style, white cotton ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front!

* touque: a woollen hat, Canada's official National Head Apparel, with about the same suave sex appeal as wearing a pair of Stanfields on your head.

* chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly looking for a reason to find offense; from "chip on one's shoulder." (See Western Canada)

* **** disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur. According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary, "**** disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term.
(Just remember that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a **** disturber, and you will do fine.)

[{OF}Malicious Assault]

Um I guess knowing all of those before I read the explanation makes me a canadian Eh! What can I say i grew up in Chinook land and Yes we did love the fact that Edmonton didn't get them

[Harbinger]

lmao that's great eh? I got them all but chippy, muskeg and beer parlour. Here , in Toronto we have The Beer Store, no swampland and chippy just sounds kinda gaey. A couple (like Duplex) I think I know from having grown up in Quebec.

[{OF}G_Man]

LOL

Thanks for the translation !!

[{OF}Flying_Dutchman]

Got most of them. Guess I lived long enough in Quebec and Ontario to at least remember something!

(chippy and muskeg were two of mine too Harb, third one was Stanfields)