Mensa Invitational.....a coupla chuckles...

[{OF}G_Man]

Subject: Mensa Invitational

Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's (2005) winners

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.


3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.


4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

14. Glibido: All talk and no action.

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

__________________________________________________ ____________________________
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.

6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

[{OF}G_Man]

My favorite:

7. lymph, v. to walk with a lisp

My mouthful of Apple juice blew out my nose and both ears on this one.

[Smiley]

Yah, I like that one and this one is my fav-

Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an a$$ ***e.

[{OF}Malicious Assault]

Alternate meaning for this one flabbergasted - The sound Imp makes at Fart Stock

[{OF}Flying_Dutchman]

My fav:
negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

When I was carpooling back in Montreal the wife of one of the guys we went to pick up did that in some kind of teddy seethrough thing. She was rather embarrased I think

[{OF}BadDaWg]

I like this one!!

Oh ya, TOTALLY COOL -G-

9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

[ClydeFrog]

ROFL, good stuff G-Man.

Originally Posted by {OF}G_Man

Subject: Mensa Invitational

15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Oh man have I ever been there!

[d-fragger]

I find it so hard t have just one favorite... There all oh so good!!