Darwin Awards

[{OF}Malicious Assault]

I'm sure most of these did not happen the way they say, but I could see some of them happening and they are funny to read anyway

And the candidates this year are.............

MICHIGAN...

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

CALIFORNIA...

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," -- accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

NORTH CAROLINA...

Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said
Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind,
and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday
afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.

People on the beach on the outer banks, used their hands and
shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of
Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200
people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.


CALIFORNIA...

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell
face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was
burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had
placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free)
rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

DELAWARE...

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del, as he
won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded
with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

HONORABLE MENTION:

NEW JERSEY...

Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew
up in their car. While driving around 2 AM, the bored couple lit
the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would
happen, but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

WASHINGTON...

TACOMA, WA Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of
the bridge at 4:30 AM.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured around
Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at
the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night.
There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
located.


AND THE WINNER: FROM G-E-R-M-A-N-Y . is....

Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed
his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up
pachyderm finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200
pounds of poop!

Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was
attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the
relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force of the elephant's
unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he
struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant
continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him" said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. ' With no one there to help
him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated.
It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves that
"S**T happens!"

[{OF}G_Man]

[{OF}Flying_Dutchman]

W0W.....Wonder what they put on the zookeepers tombstone? (no, not the pizza....)

[Doom]

Oh man, dead under a pile of elephant dung.

Whewwww, sure hope that was closed casket.